Yesterday was my son's Birthday. I remember the moments before he was born. Before he came into this world of mine and changed it completely.. in so many ways and all for the better.

He loves books. He expects me to bring him new books when he sees me after school and after my work. He demands it. When I forget, he throws a fit! He loves books so much that he wants to go inside them. He shows us by putting his foot on top of the book and waiting to get inside the story, waiting for him to be put into that wonderful world of imagination!

The other day he told me something wonderful. I am in awe of what he tells me. In awe of his words, his conversations, his world as he sees it.

He told me "Leo hold my hand." We were talking about touch and how we don't touch strangers because we don't know them. We had just seen a guy on a motorcycle drive past us and he was saying he wanted to touch him and I said "No we don't touch strangers. We don't know him."

And then that is when he said "Leo hold my hand." And I asked him if Leo was his friend and he said "Yes." And I said "Do you hold Leo's hand?" And he said yes. I thought it was so wonderful that he shared this with me.

He changes my world, everyday, he changes my view of life, because I see things how I was raised, and how I grew up and now him coming along, he changes me.

For the better.

And I think it's fitting that my husband told me yesterday "And Happy Birthday to you too! Because it was also your birthday!" And yes, he's right. I was born all over again!

:)
Happy Birthday my son!

Pisces

Happy Birthday, my Pisces.

I wished for you when I was little. I really wanted a little sister to love and to play with. And you were exactly what I wanted when you were born, perfect in everyway.
You are an amazing person - you always were. I am in awe of you - of your strength, of your natural wisdom, of your beauty, and your humor. I am so lucky to have you in my life.

I love you always.

NO! Doctor HURT!

Last week was an emotional week for my husband and I. My son had been having mucus dripping from his nose for a long time - and when I say a long time - I mean a month at least. He had a sinus infection and was put on antibiotics about a month ago and the infection never seemed to go away. It may have lessened but it never cleared up completely. And you would think that as parents - we would have instincly known that somethings up. Something is wrong with this child who seems to have green mucus always coming out of his nose. But no, we just thought - Oh we live in a city with a percentage of high allergies in the air and we just blamed those damn allergies! And so finally, I felt so bad for my son, who always needed his nose swiped and was always stuffy, most especially at night. And I finally had my husband take him to see his pediatrician. Who said - he has something in his nose. He has something INSIDE his nose. She thought it might be a piece of paper - like tissue paper and she tried to pull it out but since she didn't have the tools for that, she couldn't. They made him an appointment at the Ear, Nose and Throat Doctor for the next morning.
I was horrified when I found out. Completely horrified. I thought - WHAT KIND OF A MOTHER AM I? How could I not know this?! How could I not know that there is something inside his nose causing him to have green mucus for a month!

So all night, we slept, or rather didn't sleep, thinking about what horrible parents we are. My husband blamed himself thinking he was at fault. And I of course, blamed myself, then him.

The next morning I told my son that he was going to see the doctor and he said "NO! Doctor hurt!" And I felt so bad because it was my fault that the doctor hurt him. How was he going to deal with another doctor, who may or may not also hurt him? How was I going to deal with that myself??

So we just told him on the ride over there that the doctor was going to help him and fix his "yaya" and his nose would get better. All the while, my stomach kept churning and I felt horrible, I wanted to cry so bad for my little boy. My beautiful little boy.

The waiting was the worst part. We waited in the waiting room, and then they called our son's name and we waited for the doctor in a smaller private waiting room.
This took forever. It was the longest doctor we've ever had to wait for. And I've waited for doctors for a long time.

When he finally came in, he told us that he only had 1 chance to get in there and pull out whatever my son had stuck in his nose. If not, then he would have to put him under anesthesia. My heart stopped beating. I swear, I was just in so much pain and in so much torture. The doctor suggested that my son sit on my husband's lap and then he looked inside his nose but my son was moving around so much that he was getting upset. So I took my husband's place and we tried again. This time I held his hands, the nurse held his head, my husband held his feet and the doctor used his tools to pull out cotton ball pieces! 3 long stringy, bloody cotton ball pieces!
Of course I couldn't see this but my husband said "WHAT IS THAT?!" and I thought "What?! What is it?" I kept imagining tissue paper and no it was cotton ball pieces.

The doctor was really quite happy with us and with our son. He thought that all of it was taken out and he wanted to see us again in 3 weeks - more torture!?

We were all exhausted that day. Just re-telling it has exhausted me. And no, I cannot laugh about this, yet.

Today is my son's first day back in daycare. It's an adjustment for him and for us. I am feeling guilty and emotional.. wondering why this is so hard for me. I know there is no other choice - we don't have a caregiver who can take care of him and going back to daycare seems to be our only choice at this time.

Fortunately my husband said he did great when he dropped him off. He did not cry and he went straight to playing with toys.

I telephoned the daycare during midday and found that he cried the whole morning. This did not make me feel any better. I felt anxious all morning and sure enough, I knew that he was feeling the same way.

I know the next couple of days or weeks will be difficult. And I hope that he adjusts well.

Everything

Sometimes I want to call him my best friend and other times I know that he is the love of my life. And other times he is my baby, but I can’t call him that, because he is a “big boy.”
All I know is that he is everything to me.

almost 2 and a half

Likes:

Dinosaurs, the mariachi man, jumping on the bed, climbing, running, swings, ice cream, baseball caps, hats, umbrellas, construction trucks, swimming pool, his black guitar, Sesame Street, Elmo, Ernie, rubber duckie, being called a big boy

Dislikes:

Dinosaurs - the ones at the Witte, having things done for him, being in the car for a long time, bedtime, bathtime, being called a baby

Creativity

Tempera paint, watercolor paints, crayons, colored pencils, glitter pens.. these are all the materials that my son has been using for his creativity. It amazes me that he has no set ways of doing things ~ and I think that this is the best thing because he is doing something artistic without being stifled into doing it a certain way. I watch him and I learn from him.